He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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