Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize