i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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