do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We left the knife in your bed.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
