Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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