Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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