I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
