Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize