So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
