Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
