You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
