I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
