like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
