dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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