just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
