Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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