every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
