Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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