I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
