Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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