the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize