I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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