Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize