So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize