The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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