Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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