my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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