she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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