I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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