I think I am morally bankrupt
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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