New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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