So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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