bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
