I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
