Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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