Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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