proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
