I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
