Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
