I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
