I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
