'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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