we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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