I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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