Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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