Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
