When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
