I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
