If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
