it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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