i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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