so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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