this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
