we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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