just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
