dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
