I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
