Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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