i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
