I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
