Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You need a sexual gate keeper
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
