Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
