I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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