Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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