I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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