Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
