oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
