i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
