i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize