every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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