looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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