This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
