He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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