Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
