I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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